Wednesday 11 November 2015

Some carriage on the 18:05 express from Misery to Desperation. Runs daily.

Do you know what I hate? It’s a very specific thing so you probably won’t be able to guess and I’ll put you out of your blog reading misery by telling you straightaway that the thing I hate is when some journalist or other gets the opportunity to interview some TOC bigwig and then proceeds to waste the interview by only asking them the “big” questions that the journalist whose been given this golden ticket, thinks their readers want to know.

The fact of the matter is, as we see from the resulting flaccid interview, the TOC bigwig is usually well versed in fielding these sorts of questions and before you can say “caught in the slips”, they’ve managed to skilfully deflect the probing questions with a deft flick of the wrist and yet another opportunity has been wasted.

Topics like “why is electrification so behind schedule?” or “why do tickets cost so much?” or the classic “why are the trains so crowded?” can be swiftly dealt with by even the greenest of TOC employee and they no doubt get taught this during training, in between the lesson on not selling split tickets and the lesson about the Working Timetable not being shown to passengers.



Their preferred method of dealing with these questions is to deflect the blame onto one of the hundreds of other railway related operators as quickly as possible. Does anyone remember that documentary where former Apprentice Draco Malfoy impersonator Margaret Mountford and Nick Hewer supposedly “investigated” what was wrong with the railways? Well Nick wasted his opportunity to interview someone from Virgin by asking all these types of questions which the Virgin man responded to in pretty much the same way as I’ve just described…..

“Oh believe me Nick, we’d love to lay on more carriages but they’re simply not available from the Department for Transport” and “That’s a very good point Nick, there’s nothing we’d love to do more than change our timetable to run more services but again it’s out of our hands” and of course the classic “Those delays you’re referring to Nick were all down to signalling issues which is the responsibility of Network Rail and completely outside of our responsibility and influence.”

OK, I’m paraphrasing and indeed making all of this up from memory, but the get the point I’m trying to make.

The point here is, there is far far too many things “wrong” with the service the poor paying public have to put up with that are well within the TOC’s direct influence that they simply choose to do nothing about because one can only assume it would cost them money and therefore reduce profits.

Want an example, well say no more……

Today I received a reply to an email I logged with GWR’s Customer Service enquiry line on the 9th of October. That, for the mathematicians amongst you is 23 working days ago. GWR’s own self-inflicted target for a response from Customer Services is 5 days.

Now I’ve had responses in the past that have been quicker (never actually within the 5 days though) and ones that have been much much slower (I’ve had one that I actually had to admit defeat on after no response for over 6 months) but again the point here is that GWR could make this small element of their service much much better for the poor paying customers by simply employing more staff to work on the Customer Service lines.

But of course to do so would require investment by GWR and therefore would require money from GWR and therefore would reduce profits for GWR……..so they don’t. They are much happier to make poor paying people wait 23 days for a response than to meet their own targets.

Still need another example? OK how about this for size?

Ever caught a train from Newbury Station? Yes? Then you’ll know the place is an absolute dump.
Firstly it’s a dark, dirty dangerous place any time after about 8 in the evening. I’m not sure exactly what time the GWR staff knock off but for a fairly sizable station serving a fairly sizable town is it too much to ask that there is someone on duty until at least after pub chucking out time?

If you’re waiting for a delayed train at the arse end of a cold November day, you try feeling comfortable on the ice cold steel benches on a platform where the only company is a discarded packet of chips and a half dozen pissed roudies who look like they want the contents of your pockets. And if you swap Newbury for one of the isolated stations (e.g. Thatcham, Aldermaston or Midgham) then things are certainly not going in the direction of Improvement Central.

Again, here is something that GWR could directly influence by investing in the stations that they run and are responsible for.

But they choose not to. Why? Because it would require investment by GWR and therefore would require money from GWR and therefore would reduce profits for GWR……..so they don’t. They would much sooner the poor paying public had to sit on ice cold benches fearing for their lives…….yeah, yeah, yeah, you get the point.



Now as I wrote this I did wonder whether Newbury is owned and ran by GWR and not by Network Rail, but then I realised that even I’ve got this wrong, it doesn’t make the point any less valid.

Network Rail are forever letting down the poor paying public by not being capable in managing the signals that allow the trains to run. Now I’m not for a second suggesting that this isn’t a complex job, I’m not suggesting that this is an easy job, I’m not even suggesting that we should expect 100% up-time 24-7-365 etc etc.

But what I am suggesting is that if Network Rail invested in more engineers and better ways to get their engineers to the signal failures when they happen, then the signals would get repaired quicker and hence the trains would get back to running normally quicker.

But here’s where Network Rail has the upper hand on any TOC. They can quite legitimately claim that their investment in their staff or infrastructure etc is directly controlled by the money they get from government.

TOC’s don’t have this luxury. The amount they invest is directly controlled by themselves. If they want to keep more profits, they simply don’t invest. And as Aleksandr might claim, that my friends is just…..”simples”.



So here’s where we come to what started this rant off in the first place.

If when you’re next stood up on a train with your nosed pressed against a toilet door and your backside being interfered with by some idiot’s Brompton and you choose to complain to your TOC, don’t accept their brush off answers that this isn’t their fault because “there simply is a national shortage of carriages”.

The TOCs have direct influence on the number of carriages that are in service on the network by the simple fact that they are responsible for their own maintenance and refurbishment. Also we know that they have been given sufficient stock to fulfil their franchise obligations each and every day, which also includes spares.

So even Duns Scotus (read the article) has worked out by now that it’s simple maths which says if GWR chose to invest in more fitters it’s much more likely that more carriages would be kept in service for more periods of time. That has to make sense surely?

In fact, I’ll go even further. One of the heroes of #TeamHipFlask whose name shamefully escapes me once found out from the Department for Transport themselves that GWR (or FGW as they were before they decided to violate the memory of Brunel) have never actually requested additional carriages from Patrick McLoughlin himself. So who knows, loveable roly-poly frontbench comedian Paddy might only be too willing to stump up for ½ a dozen spare coaches……we, the poor paying public simply don’t know.

So whilst your broken nose and your tyre imprinted anus might directly be the fault of failed signals, cancelled services or even a very secretly publicised global sports event, please please never forget that each and every TOC has a direct influence on your nose and anus it’s just that they choose to do nothing about it, whilst blaming everyone else.



Wednesday 13 May 2015

46009 – 18:00 Wednesday 13th May

46009


Well that’s just great. I get 13 months into this pointless exercise and then I get to sit in one of the new, converted, ex-first class carriages – in this case Carriage K on the 18:00 to Bristol – and find that the number, 46009, isn’t on my list that was given to me by Jess and Ollie way back when.

So basically where does 46009 fit in the scheme of things and more importantly, which ex-number now no longer exists because it’s become 46009?

I won’t sleep tonight!

Friday 24 April 2015

42554 – 18:45 Friday 24th April

42554


As I said on the old Twitter tonight, despite my whinging timeline, I actually very rarely lose my rag with the daily commute. Instead I hopefully strike an air of debonair wry cynicism as I deal with whatever FGW decide to throw at me that particular day.

However, tonight’s journey from Paddington literally left me shaking with rage in the toilets of a HST, and not shaking in the way that your dirty minds are all thinking.

I was late out of work today due to a very quick farewell drink at the Wimbledon local but still left enough time to make the 18:30 Weston-Super-Mare service from Paddington. It was a bit touch and go as I scrabbled up onto Platform 9 at 28 minutes past, but I was still in time to manage to secure myself a seat in Carriage F.

And then of course nothing happened………

Well I say nothing; we were told with inept frequency that the Extress Café was serving a range of hot and cold beverages and 3 types of porridge of course, but nothing that would in any shape or form actually help a passenger.

Eventually the Train Manager quit his game of mock wrestling on the platform and informed us that we were delayed due to a missing driver which was “beyond FGW control”……yeah you go figure as well.

Anyway, with the knowledge that the 18:45 to Swansea was about to leave from Platform 10 next door, I and several others decided to make the quick flit around and at least guarantee ourselves a departure from Reading this side of Whitsun.

Just as I was rounding the end of the platform there was a camel-train of wheelie bins being taken through the barrier between the two platforms. Seeing as there was a barrier guard standing doing nothing, several of us tried to take the opportunity to use the shortcut and make the 18:45 with some sort of decorum.

But of course FGW have a company policy that even when things (beyond their control) are going wrong, they will not, to any degree, try to help or assist their poor put-upon passengers. Both the wheelie bin driver and the barrier guard (Mike) refused point blank to let any of us through even though we were all waving our thousands of pounds tickets. Instead we had to loop around the porta-cabin shops and go through the ticket barriers proper. Of course whilst this is all going on the clock is ticking and the dispatch staff are blowing their whistles like a bunch of crazed football referees.

Now as you read this, snuggled up with a Friday evening glass of something alcoholic, you’re probably thinking that at the end of the day this was all small potatoes and why am I making a fuss? But what I object to is that when things go wrong (and as I’ve said countless times before, the going wrong of things is most times accepted by passengers providing it is properly communicated and dealt with) FGW will not do anything to even attempt to alleviate the pain. Why couldn’t Mike have just understood the situation, realised that it was definitely “beyond passenger control” and see his way to make a small but meaningful gesture to improve things? It would have meant so much, but instead we get the grim face of the Jobsworth.

Thank god there was a free toilet when I got on the train as I needed to splash my face with some cool and fan my sweaty bollocks in an attempt to calm down.

Still never mind, I’ve learnt I can make a complaint as long as I take the time to log it myself because sure as hell no-one on the customer services team is going to help me.

“You can’t get them…………they’re part of the union.”

P.S. My journey was eventually completed in 42554, Carriage E.

Wednesday 22 April 2015

42077 – 18:00 Tuesday 21st April

42077


Fear not faint hearts and fair maidens, I haven’t deserted you but instead am back in the saddle after a couple of weeks dodging the annual FGW Easter debacle by taking my handsome face on a tour around Europe.

Monday saw me back riding the iron horse and would you believe it, it also marked a year to the day since I started this stupid blog. And just so I can confirm my thoughts down in writing, nothing, that’s absolutely nothing has improved about my commute in that year. Nothing.

Unfortunately for the capture, both Monday and today saw just duplicates, but Tuesday saw a new carriage falling victim in the shape of 42077, a Carriage F on the 18:00 to Bristol.

Here’s to the next year!

Oh, P.S. Nothing has improved.

Monday 30 March 2015

42060 – 18:03 Monday 30th March

42060

Carriage E on the 18:03 Penzance service.

There’s nothing more to really say. I even got both seats to myself and slept like a new born baby whilst looking like a dribbling old fart.

Thursday 26 March 2015

42287 – 18:37 Thursday 26th March

42287

Sorry I’ve been away for so long. To make up for it, here’s a selfie aboard 42287, the Carriage C on tonight’s 18:37 to Frome……

….which, amazingly…..and I’m not making this up…….

…..was on time tonight!

And the Train Manager wasn’t a scruffy slob.


Monday 16 March 2015

Monday 2 March 2015

44029 – 18:03 Monday 2nd March

44029

Remember me? The annoying tit who’s still whittling on about bleedin’ FGW carriages?

Well I’m back and amazingly enough managed to capture one of the few remaining carriage A’s left as I sat in 44029 on the 18:03 Penzance service.

It was quite possibly the noisiest Carriage A I’ve been in for a long time but as the Train Manager made his way through the babbling crowd, checking tickets it got me thinking about certain FGW ticket rules.

One of the chattering cows on one of the table seats was asked for her seat reservation as well as her ticket. Now I know that some advance fares have a mandatory seat reservation included but what I’m puzzled about is why the TM needs to see it? I mean, the train has left, so presumably she’s not taking someone else’s reservation and in what way does seeing her reservation make her ticket “more valid”, it’s not like it proves her identity or anything. And let us just for a moment imagine another possible scenario.

I board the train with my super-dooper super-saver ticket and discover that the seat that I’ve had to reserve isn’t where I want to sit.

Perhaps it’s dirty, perhaps there’s a big fatty in the seat next to it overflowing onto the arm-rest, perhaps there’s some git on a mobile blathering to their mother about their recent hysterectomy or perhaps the last occupant has left it wet and stinking (happened to me once……I mean I once sat in a wet and stinking seat by mistake, not that I left a seat wet…..honest) so I decide to sit in another vacant seat.

The TM then starts his inspection and asks for my seat reservation. I show it and explain why I’m not in the seat. What would then happen……..I guess what I’m asking is, do I “have” to sit in the reserved seat and as I’ve said before, in what way does seeing my reservation make my ticket “more valid”?

Make sense?

Nope. Me neither.


Monday 16 February 2015

42332 – 18:03 Monday 16th February

42332

OK, let’s be totally and utterly and doubly accurate tonight.

My journey from Paddington to Reading was aboard the 17:49 to Worcester Shrub Hill and I sat in Carriage D which was numbered as 42332.

We arrived at Reading at 18:31 which made it 11 minutes late.

I then travelled from Reading to home in 42382 which is a duplicate carriage. I captured this one for the blog on the 30th of June 2014. 

We arrived home at 19:09 which made it 13 minutes late.

Both delays were the fault of First Great Western.

See, all the information you could possibly ever want or need.

Thursday 12 February 2015

42056 & 42305 – 18:03 & 18:37 Thursday 12th February




















42056 & 42305

Well quite a busy old day all told.

Firstly, I spent the whole of my morning trying to decipher this tweet from Grant, who did explain that it was something about buying new spanners or something, but even now I think he was trying to get something past us.



And then in Carriage E, 42056, on the Penzance service home I was forced to share my seat with a bloke with terrible BO who spent the whole journey to Reading performing an extraordinary array of over-exaggerated yawns. I mean, I was getting the message, he’d had a hard day at work, but did he really have to share it with the whole carriage? We suffered a slight delay and as we pulled into Reading, the TM announced why we were running late which set Mr Attention Seeker off into another round of tuts, shrugs, sarcastic laughs and much head shaking. Unfortunately some women encouraged him by engaging him in conversation which gave him the ideal opportunity to launch into a bizarre anti-FGW tirade which all centred around the motto “Transforming Travel” – which, to my knowledge FGW have never used as a slogan anyway.

“Oh, Transforming Travel! Pah! Never in a million years. Transforming Travle, my left foot!” etc

Just as I was preparing to move I noticed an iPhone cable on the floor under the seat. I picked it up and asked Mr Transforming Travel if it was his.

“Oh, no it’s not mine,” he said as he took it and put it in his pocket, “I thought it was yours.”

Which means he was not only a thief but a selfish twat that wasn’t even going to ask me if I’d maybe dropped my cable. A selfish thieving twat. A selfish thieving smelly twat.

And in other news aboard the 18:37 to Frome, I read the tragic news whilst sitting in Carriage B, 42305, that FGW Twitter hero Leo is leaving the company. He was the only one who understood me!

Whaaaaaaaaaaaaah!

Wednesday 11 February 2015

44025 – 18:03 Wednesday 11th February



44025


44025 was the Carriage A on the 18:03 to Penzance.

I got to Reading and then spent the next 90 minutes just hanging around the station.

Here’s what I wrote to the lovely folk at FGW tonight.

I was travelling from Paddington to Thatcham on 11-02-15 when I was left stranded at Reading due to signal failures in the Reading West area.

I arrived at Reading at 18:30 and was eventually put in a taxi to Newbury at 20:10. I arrived in Thatcham at 20:40

During the 100 minutes of delay at Reading station I was staggered by the sheer incompetence of the station staff who didn’t seem to be able to organise any sort of consistent message to the hundreds of passengers in similar positions as myself. At one stage we were all directed to the help desk only to find a single member of staff, with a frightened caught in the headlights look in her eyes, who didn’t even know there was a signal failure never mind what was happening.

When the Station Duty Manager turned up 15 minutes later he whispered some garbled message about buses that could only be heard by the first row of the number 200 or 300 hundred people surrounding the desk. The only way to have a chance of finding our what was happening was to trail a member of staff around and listen in to the whispered conversations they were having between themselves.

Eventually we were then directed to the steps down to the short stay car park where I waited on the steps for about 40 minutes with not one shred of communication. When I eventually reached the front of the taxi queue I was amazed to see it being organised by G4S staff and local police with not one member of FGW staff visible.

You are no doubt in the process of claiming your own compensation from Network Rail for the signal failures because in your eyes you will believe this delay was not your fault (although one could accuse you that your inability to work in any sort of a functional way with your partners makes this just as much your fault) but what cannot shrug your shoulder of, is why your staff simply cannot deal with any sort of a crisis situation. All that was needed tonight was someone with a level of confidence to raise their voice so all could hear (maybe stand on the help desk so all could see) and loudly announce what was happening. No-one is expecting magic taxis and buses to be produced from thin air but I do expect to be kept informed of what was happening and a competent level of organisation.

I am an annual gold season ticket holder and would like to know what compensation I am due for the almost 2 hour delay not to mention the atrocious discomfort suffered.

Tuesday 10 February 2015

42034 & 42062 – 18:03 & 18:37 Tuesday 10th February





















42034 & 42062

Well back in the saddle after a weekend away and a Monday that saw me travel home a la taxi.
42034 was the chosen Carriage F on the 18:03 Penzance service and what was also chosen was the seat next to me by the wazzock in the head to toe orange day-glo.

This strange fellow gradually smelt more and more like fish the nearer we got to Reading so by the time we were pulling into Platform 7 I could have been working the past 6 months aboard a Grimsby trawler.

42062, Carriage C on the 18:37 to Frome was less smelly but more noisy thanks to the little lad in front who was driving his model space shuttle with accompanying spit bubbles.

Good to be back.

Monday 2 February 2015

44086, 42167 & 42021 – 07:15, 18:03 & 18:37 Monday 2nd February





















44086, 42167 & 42021

A three carriage capture today and an insight into what goes on aboard the slightly later than my regular morning train.

A sleepless night, even more disturbed by the annual running of the World Handegg championships saw me awaken slightly later than normal and only make it to the station in time for the 07:15 instead of the 06:57.

But every cloud has its silver lining and it allowed me to capture 44086, Carriage A on this particular service.

As I was settling down on a rather uncomfortable table seat, I noticed a Thatcham regular about to take a spare seat towards to the back of the carriage. Just as she was sitting down, the chap in the window seat leapt up, quite loudly announced “I’m not sitting by you!”, picked up his suitcase and flounced to another spare seat further down the carriage.

Which just goes to show that there’s a much lower class of commuter aboard this service than my usual one.

The evening’s journeys home were aboard 42167, the Carriage F on the 18:03 Penzance service and 42021, the Carriage C on the 18:37 to Frome.

And the lesson today was, don’t tweet pictures of strangers to other strangers as the tweet might be seen by other strangers who are known a bit to the second stranger and they might call the original tweeter (a complete stranger) intolerant. Or, on the other hand, carry on regardless.

Tuesday 27 January 2015

42209 & 42224 – 18:03 & 18:37 Tuesday 27th January




















42209 & 42224

Well I know I made the offer for someone to jog my memory by mentioning “Leopard Print” or “French Nails” but I didn’t expect Mr (or is it Mrs? (Miss?)) @cr_rail (oooo they are cross) to be on my back morning, noon and night.

“Blah, blah, blah BGC, where’s the Leopard Print update? I can’t live my life without it. It’s so boring on the train without a blog update to read…..” and on and on and on and on.
So before he/she/it has a hernia, let me get today’s carriages out of the way and then we can get onto all things animal and keratin.

It was 42209, Carriage B on the 18:03 to Penzance and Carriage C, 42224 on the 18:37 to Frome. Highlight of the journey was sitting next to a chap reading what would have been called in my day, “Dungeon Master’s Guide” and looking at the pictures of the scantily clad elfish women.

So “Leopard Print” and “French Nails” – I boarded the morning train last Thursday and treated my rear end to one of my favourite seats, the isle seat next to Mr Williams. Mr Williams is a very dapper gent who boards at Reading. For those still trying to place him, he’s the chap who comes into Carriage A and usually yells out “Not that one!” as some Reading wazzock tries to steal his reserved seat. And just so everyone knows I’m not quite the stalker this post is making me out to be, how do I know he’s called Mr Williams? Well it says so on his reservation.

Anyway grabbing this seat means you’re almost certainly guaranteed a double-berth to yourself at least until Reading and as Mr Williams hasn’t been around for a while, if you’re really lucky, you get both seats to yourself all the way to London. Alas on this particular Thursday, two seats to myself was not to be, as I was surprised to be disturbed by Mr Williams himself and there was nothing else to do but to leap up like a startled gazelle and let him in.

But then the next day, Friday, I was fortunate enough to get the same seat again but somehow didn’t notice until I was sat sitting down that Mr Williams’s very own seat was occupied by a lady of certain years who was draped head to toe in Leopard Print. And yes, you’ve guessed it, she also had French Nails.

Now before I get accused of anything anti-sexual (or even sexual) this lady was perfect fine, she didn’t hog the armrest, she didn’t sniff or snort and she didn’t pick her nose with those perfect nails, but the journey wasn’t all sweetness and relaxation for me as I was worried what would happen at Reading when Mr Williams was sure to board.

Obviously I’d have to get up to let him in, and presumably she would too, but then what happens to that single vacant seat? Do I take it again as that’s where I was sitting and after all, it was Mrs Tigeress who’d made the original mistake? Or would she somehow expect to be able to do a sort of reverse “First Come First Served” and expect me to slink off and try to find another free place?
At the end of the day it was panic over as Mrs Tigress got off at Reading and Mr Williams was presumably having a long weekend as I ended up sitting next to some sweating day-glo clad cyclist, which was less than perfect.

So, it’s over to you, the jury…….if Mrs Tigress had stayed on, and if Mr Williams had come nipping down the isle with full expectation of his usual window seat, what would you have done?

Monday 26 January 2015

42348 – 18:37 Monday 26th January

42348


Another week and another Carriage Capture, although only a single this time on the 18:37 to Frome where Carriage C, 42348 allowed me to sit in relative comfort even though a whole host of bag sitters and sideways long leg sitters were trying their hardest to block all the spare seats.

Still no-one has yet reminded me with the magic words of “Leopard Print” or “French Nails” so that story is going to have to wait.

In the meantime amuse yourselves with these pictures of 150001 who we welcome back to Reading tonight and this bloke who obviously didn’t think through the colour of his footwear when he bought his Brompton.

Queen of the 150's

King of the Dipshits

Thursday 22 January 2015

44036, 42206 & 42361 – 06:57, 18:03 & 18:37 Thursday 22th January






44036, 42206 & 42361

What’s this BGC, 4 carriages tonight?

Well, no, sadly only 3 but I did visit it 4 carriages in total, but alas 42129 was a duplicate although by my records it had changed from a Carriage E to a Carriage D since the last time I sat in it back in October.

But enough about that sort of boring stuff, let’s get down to the meat and 2 veg of today’s Carriage Capture.

Firstly there was 44036 on the morning train and it was a joy to capture a morning Carriage A and find it was one for the few A’s that I still haven’t got. There was a reason for capturing this one but I can’t go into details today. That said, lest I forget, one of my faithful readers needs to whisper the words “leopard print” & “French nails” and that will jog my memory to let rip with this particular episode.

This evening I first boarded the previously mentioned 42129 which was due off to Bristol but with 2 minutes to departure time the TM announced a train fault which led to me and several hundreds of my fellow travellers scampering across from Platform 2 to Platform 3 to board the Penzance service. Alas this last minute swap-a-roo left me without a seat and stood in the vestibule of 42206.

It was her rucksack as well.


Also stood with me was the owner of this fold up bike, it wasn’t even a proper Brompton, who not only dumped her monstrosity of right in the centre of the door into Carriage C but then proceeded to have a length, loud and quite profane conversation with someone on the end of a phone about how her bike had got damaged in the car park today.

Well to be honest love, taking into account the amount of consideration you showed the rest of us tonight, I’m actually quite joyful your shambolic effort of a cycle got knackered. Hope you had to push it all the way home.

The 18:37 to Frome saw me in Carriage B, 42361.

Remember – Leopard Print and French Nails.




Wednesday 21 January 2015

42213 & 42250 – 18:03 & 18:37 Wednesday 20th January




















42213 & 42250

Well no such excitement on tonight’s trains as it was Babs in charge.

42213 was my carriage of choice on the 18:03 to Penzance, this being a Carriage F.

And on the 18:37 it was Carriage B, 42250, which allowed my rear end to park itself.

Well there it is, if I could make it more riveting I certainly would…..but I can’t.

Tuesday 20 January 2015

42257 & 42008 – 17:49 & 18:37 Tuesday 20th January




















42257 & 42008

Well hello everybody. Firstly I’d like to apologise for the delay in tonight’s blog entry. The blog was updated about 8 minutes later than normal and I do heartily apologies for any inconvenience this will cause to you. Hopefully I will be able to make up some of this time by droning on and on and on and on and on and generally either sending you to sleep or making you dash your head against the window so hard you forget your name and where you were travelling to.

I am delighted to be able to announce that alongside the fully stocked Extress CafĂ©, which is serving a range of hot and cold snacks, hot and cold drinks, hot and cold porridge and hot and cold levels of service, tonight’s blog is brought to you by Train Manager supreme, Kimberly.

Please take great care when taking your seat about Carriage B on the 17:49 to Worcester Shrub Hill by sitting down gently in Carriage 42257 and making sure that you are not going to land on an upturned Brompton bike.

On disembarkation to change trains to the 18:37 to Frome please take great care when opening the doors to Carriage C, which you’ll find between Carriage B and Carriage D and tonight, is labelled with the number 42008. In fact, opening the doors may well take too long and delay the train even longer than the 10 minutes it takes the miserable-as-sin platform staff to dispatch it, so instead can I encourage all passengers to enter and leave the carriage by using the windows which I have helpfully opened beforehand. You assistance in this matter will be most appreciated.

The next stop in five and a half hours will be some God forsaken place in the east of England but I will tell you now that only the front five carriages will be platformed there. So just in case you’re too damn stupid to work out that the first five letters of the alphabet are A, B, C, D & E, only carriages A, B, C, D & E will be platformed there. In the meantime I will ask you all to sit back, relax and let me repeat this and other meaningless drivel instead of walking up and down and checking tickets.

Friday 16 January 2015

42577 – 18:00 Friday 16th January

42577


Well let’s finish the week with a bit of a story and for those who have the joy of following me on Twitter (other Twitter’ers are available) it’s not about Reading MP Alok Sharma (@AlokSharma_RDG) having a slap up tea and bun festival with First Great Western and announcing it as a major breakthrough in better conditions for commuters.

What it is about is the seeming inability for women to put any sort of filter on what’s coming out of their mouths when they are blathering into the phone in public.

As I sat down in Carriage E on the 18:00 to Bristol Temple Meads (42577) I was soon accosted by the women next to me as she rang up her other half and proceeded to announce the results of her blood tests in relation to her ongoing fertility treatment.

This was then followed by another woman from the other side of the carriage answering a call from her mother and proceeding to announce to the carriage in how much pain she was currently in and what medication she’d taken that day which wasn’t having any effect on her symptoms.

As we pulled into Reading my seating partner (remember, the one who can’t get up the spout) was one of the most politest people ever, seeing without prompting I was preparing to disembark and leaving my way free with a kind word and a smile. I was almost tempted to add a “hope you get
pregnant!” to my thanks.

The train home was an unfortunately duplicate but it did feature a crazy mentalist who decided to put on a dance show in the space where wheelchairs usually go.

Mentalist

If it wasn’t for the fact he looked like he could stab me at any moment it might have been quite entertaining!

Wednesday 14 January 2015

44020 & 42253 – 06:57 & 18:35 Wednesday 14th January




















44020 & 42253

Well how about this for a treat, a morning capture captured in full glorious Technicolor!

44020 was my quiet carriage of choice on the 06:57 from Bristol Temple Meads this morning and even the 10 minute delay couldn’t spoil my delight in capturing this superb photo.

My travel home was also delayed due to work commitments, so not FGW’s fault, but it did mean I could sit in Carriage B on the 18:35 to Exeter and capture 42253.

Wowzers!

Tuesday 13 January 2015

42574 – 18:03 Tuesday 13th January

42574


Sometimes there are interesting things to tell you about my latest Carriage Capture.

Sometimes there isn’t.

Tonight I say in 42574, Carriage E on the 18:03 Penzance server.

Bye.

Wednesday 7 January 2015

44003 (again) & 42310 – 18:03 & 18:37 Wednesday 7th January




















44003 (again) & 42310

I thought I was definitely on for a new capture when I spotted 44003 making up Carriage A on the 18:03 Penzance service as its door stickers were a different colour than the normal gaudy pink and blue. But it seems I did travel on this one already back in May last year.

But 42310 was a new Carriage C on the 18:37 to Frome at least.

And if that isn’t enough, here’s a picture of 150002 which is standing in for 150001 at the moment.

150002


It’s a long story………..but hilarious!

No, seriously, it is.

Tuesday 6 January 2015

42027 – 18:37 Tuesday 6th January

42027


I must have secretly have asked for some on-time trains for Christmas as once again everything was running more or less to clockwork and rather empty to boot.

Alas the train to Reading was a duplicate but Carriage D, 42027, on the 18:37 to Frome was a new one in the book.

Hurrah!

Monday 5 January 2015

42281 & 42175 – 18:03 & 18:37 Monday 5th January




















42281 & 42175

A new year but not a new blog I’m afraid so it’s back in the saddle for some more FGW Carriage focused fun.

And to be honest it was quite fun today. Firstly all the trains were on time and secondly the 18:03 Penzance service (in which I sat in 42281 Carriage B) was as deserted as Katie Hopkins’s Christmas card list.

When we pulled into Reading, the 5 people who were sat in the carriage with me all got off, leaving a totally empty carriage rattling down the line to Taunton.

Deserted 42281


Alas, 42175, Carriage B on the 18:37 Frome service was rather fuller with far far too many #BagSeatWankers for my liking.

But………..and this is the important thing……….everything was running as smoothly as Ollie’s baby face and I just know this will continue all year. Yes?